A highly experienced and accomplished Dominatrix
I’m going to start right from the beginning so if you feel patronised, stick with it, there’s newbies out there too who don’t even know these things exist.
Spanking is often associated with fun, kink play, consensual punishment or all the roleplays surrounding the domestic discipline scene and school roleplays etc. including traditional BDSM dungeon format bookings. But for some, spankings are sought in a slightly different dynamic for a multitude of reasons. The release that comes from this interaction, and the benefits to wellbeing and mental health are still seen and wrapped up in a traditional disciplinarian booking, and someone may not have a specified ‘therapeutic spanking’ but still get that release from the encounter. And it’s always worth remembering that what works for one doesn’t work for all.
However for some, a therapeutic spanking (carefully arranged and structured to specifically meet a set of criteria) can be hugely beneficial for a multitude of complex reasons. On the scene we all know how much the UK’s love of corporal punishment in the schools and how long it continued for, affected those who were caught up in that regime. Whether some want to admit it or not, discipline in the home and school, and our relationship with our parents vastly effects our sexual proclivities and needs as adults. And some people just need that level of contact, pain, discipline and care to feel right in the world. I’ve seen time and again the relief that some get and how much a good spanking resets them and allows them to carry on, free from some weight they were clearly carrying around.
Every Disciplinarian is different of course and I can only speak for myself in the following paragraphs (although no doubt continuity with other professionals will be clear). Therapeutic spankings will differ from a usual domestic or dungeon-based booking in many ways. I approach such things with a very different process. Taking far more information and asking very specific questions from the applicant. When someone visits for a more typical booking; whilst there will be elements important to them a lot of it will be about letting go of that control, having no choice and certainly not specifying so many parts of the experience. It’s more to do with allowing the Dominant to create that experience based around your interests. With a therapeutic spanking however, the aim is not (necessarily) about huge amounts of pain, it’s usually about creating an experience and making space for someone to truly let go and for the endorphins to rush, no fear, just relaxation, comfort and creating a very close connection in order to allow the bottom to experience that release through manageable pain and an interaction of complex and sometimes sensual sensations.
Often this type of booking involves lots of bottom rubbing, specific triggers or keywords are used, clothing and outfit is often very important as is location and essential details like whether there is ‘something’ the person is being spanked for or not. For some they hate being called a ‘naughty boy or girl’ or being humiliated in any way which often forms the basis of usual Disciplinarian interactions for example. Sometimes an aspect of their personality has meant they truly despise this type of exchange but they really *need* the spanking and still like a ‘strict Woman’ but more the idea, look and atmosphere, so they have searched for alternatives. On the converse they may want to be called a ‘good boy or girl’ (I’ve not experienced appointments with non-binary persons but this is not to exclude them from the conversation – it’s just extremely common in these bookings to be using ‘boy’ and ‘girl’).
The spanking itself will start off very light, building slowly with intensity but also a key element is regularity, a strong beat or rhythm and spaced breaks for rubbing. The experience for me is much more intense in certain ways, meditative with a connection built in a completely unique way. I can sense the emotional connection and release. You feel the moment their body relaxes across the knee and they give over to the sensations and the experience. At some points in these exchanges I’m more likely to see tears as the individual truly lets go. Terms are much more set and agreed in advance – the intensity we get to, if implements are used and which ones, which words are used, even perfume sometimes. It’s a carefully crafted, meditative and sometimes spiritual exchange (for want of a better word). And one I find truly exquisite. These are some of My favourite sessions.
I don’t demand details or invade privacy but often people want to talk about why they seek such things, sometimes just to understand it themselves. They have a clear magnetic pull to have themselves spanked and often feel deep shame as we don’t allow these things to be discussed openly in most areas of life. Western culture has created these strong urges and fetishes but simultaneously shuns them, shaming those who explore their needs and labelling things as perverse or deviant. Even worse for men is the emasculation they endure in a patriarchal society that tells them they are weak for wanting to look up to strong women, being drawn to their natural authority. Even though at the same time we also revere the Mother Bear trope of the woman who would do and endure anything for her children. We tie people up in knots for sexual self-expression that is very clearly created by the culture we grow up in. The parental relationship, our experiences of teachers and authority at school and the attitudes towards members of the society that we live in. I often point out that we *all* have Mummy and Daddy issues by default. They’re either the good kind or the bad kind, but in my experience no one escapes. And as parents we just have to hope we give our children the good kind.
This all inevitably leads to huge confusion and as any professional Disciplinarian and Dominatrix will be able to tell you – We are the intersection where all these things meet. We are dealing with the societal fallout of these complex matters. Society may try to say it’s a pervert across our laps, but we know better and as it happens, so does society, it just doesn’t want to admit it yet.
So, if buried deep down you have found that pull, leading your thoughts and fantasies to these kinds of experiences, know you are not alone and there is no shame. And if it’s not the usual dynamic that is attracting you, but you really feel that you need these experiences then a therapeutic spanking might be the way forward. Especially good for nervous people or complete novices too, for self-explanatory reasons. Maybe the interaction will lead you to wanting a more natural dynamic of dominance and submission and having that control taken away from you, but in the meantime a spanking of this kind maybe exactly what you are looking for. Many Disciplinarians (and switches – Women who both give and take a spanking) on the scene offer and understand the notion of therapeutic spankings and can be approached with confidence to access something like this instead of applying for a traditional ‘session’. As always, it’s just about finding the right person for you.